Day 23: What is boredom?

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I was afflicted with the same disease today as yesterday – complete and absolute boredom. I had no motivation to do anything – I tried reading a book, moved on to tweaking dreamweaver, then lay down thinking I wanted to sleep, then got up and made some soup (My own proud invention). Then I decided that I wanted to write but ended u watching Alien (1979) again. Great movie by the way.

Also, didn’t go to the gym.

So, what’s happening Lord? I ask myself. I ask you. But who are you but nefarious optical fibers that link servers floating around in  a virtual universe? (Evasion, is the first step of a coward), Focus! What is happening to me?

That question itself is not well constructed.. “What is happening to me? ” – It first of all claims innocence on the part of “me” – I am not at fault, please help! A kind of passive of a crime by deigning helplessness. Nothing is happening to me – I am happening to myself. (Philosophizing, second step of a coward).

The lack of motivation is definitely true. The Gym is perhaps the foremost example. I find myself making constant excuses not to go to the gym. Once there, I simply can’t wait to get out. I fool around and then wait for either A or D to finish off so that I can run away with them. I finally found that Artisteer cannot be used to maintain a website, so that kind of rules out that program for the website. I had Dreamweaver installed on my brother’s laptop, but then found out that the heavy volume that I bought is only a Bible of Dreamweaver CS4 and does not really tell you how to learn with it. I feel like I have learned enough Java and there is no progress with it. The same with Tensors – reached till Ricci tensors and then proceeded no further. Bought 10 CD’s of the Bhagavad Gita and heard only one and a half. All my books are half read. I’m basically a ruminating cow now – with a full belly but no nutrition. The “hunger” that I  felt before is replaced by something much less defined – something that’s like a mid summer sun at high noon – oppressive and lethargic. Lethargy – just don’t know if that is the cause or the effect. All this when time lime 25 is approaching – a full 25% of my allotted time.

I am definitely bored. I could blame it on my stomach bug – it seems like i’m pregnant with a food baby all the time. But that won’t go away that easy – been the bane of my life for some time now.

Maybe, like Godin, I should wait, wait?

But I don’t wanna be bored. I loved it early, when I was full of energy and ethusiasm and looked forward to doing everything. Achieving a lot. How did things change? What set this up? Could it be because, i had kind of reached a stalemate in all my goals? Possibly. How do I get out of this?

I’ll sleep on it, and like Scarlett O Hara, will deal with it t0morrow!

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